Stepping into Legacy

As I step each day more deeply into the legacy that Tod has left for our family in memories and relationships, one of the greatest gifts God has given me is Tod’s private journals that span a 10 year period of his personal devotions with God.  He was an avid note taker and wrote down the chapter and verse he was studying as he made his way through the Bible each year. He would take note of any verse that really spoke to his heart along with any action points he felt compelled to remember. As of late, I am working through one of his journals as a guide for myself as I spend time with God studying those same holy words that Tod had studied.  I have to smile to myself as I go sit down to have my time alone with “God & Tod” now. Tod would have loved knowing that his personal journal has become my “devotional book” as I study my Bible.  

God’s powerful words mixed with Tod’s personal thoughts are grace upon grace for my heart as I walk this new path that is diverging from the one I was so accustomed too.  Yet I take heart in knowing that while I am here on earth and Tod’s spirit is there in heaven, both of us are in God’s presence at the same time, and that tender truth continues to give me comfort when his absence from our home and family is felt so deeply and tears well up again.  It amazes me that yet again the Lord is graciously using my husband so powerfully to stir and deepen my affection for the Lord as He has done over and over again during our 31 years of being together.  

On a side note, Tod and I loved to banter with each other about the Bible and theology, honestly, we would banter over just about anything. Tod even had a nickname for me that he liked to tease me with during our moments of discussion, personal thoughts, or questions over scripture. He would call me, “The Bible Answer Woman.” It was an ominous title, and it often solicited an eye roll from me, which he always anticipated with a smile. Honestly though, it was Tod’s way of communicating that he respected what I thought and I knew that.  He graciously took to heart whatever I shared whether or not we agreed.  Every woman should be so fortunate to have a man who affirms her thoughts as valuable and cherished as Tod did for me. Grace upon grace…

So picking up his most current and last journal, which he penned at the start of September until December 16, I found that it picked up in the middle of Colossians.  When I read the beginning of Chapter 3, my heart about leapt out of my chest because I knew the Lord had planned for Tod to start this final journal at this precise point in Scripture just for me to be reading it at this precise moment in my life.  It says,

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand.  Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.  For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.  And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.” Colossians 3:1-4

I am astounded at how intimate the Lord is with me providing Scripture that speaks to the quiet conversations of my heart. That Tod’s last journal would begin at such a moment in scripture was a river of God’s mercy for me to wade into. The realities of heaven, Christ sitting in honor, angels singing his praise, saints bowing down in worship is a reality that goes on constantly in the spiritual realm, and one that I am completely oblivious to majority of my earthly time. 

Yet these hope filled verses have drawn my eyes up from my temporal fractured world that I cling so tightly to causing me to refocus on the things of eternity.  I didn’t realize how truly closed handed I was with my life and those that I love so dearly until Tod’s death suddenly occurred and my hands were pulled open so quickly. Why God would take me to these very verses is nothing short of His pure kindness and gentleness revealed to me, for God reminds me that this is the current reality for my Tod.  He is partaking in holy worship in heaven before the throne of Jesus, he is beholding angelic realms that are carrying out the sovereign will of God. He is hearing the voice and seeing the presence of the Almighty Creator, and it all makes sense to him now in the presence of the great I AM.  It makes me sit back in awe and wonder and humility.  And that is my hope and prayer for those reading this too.