Abundantly Beyond

As this Thanksgiving has arrived, I can't escape the enormity of abundant thankfulness I feel as the Lord has brought us through so much over the last eleven months. As I have walked through this year, there are some Scriptural truths that have born out as true to me now, each of which I am so grateful for, so I thought I would share today as it is set aside to offer thanks to our heavenly Father who is deserving of thanksgiving from my heart everyday.

 ^“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14.  God's word invites me into the freedom of the gospel of Jesus within every circumstance life offers up, so while it welcomes me into fully grieving the absence of Tod it lovingly places it within the context of God’s hope. The loving boundaries of His word have guided and guarded my heart in countless ways as I have sat with and in it over this year studying it, being convicted, comforted, and confounded by His intimate presence. My heavenly Father has revealed more to me about Himself over this last year than I could have ever imagined or asked, and I am grateful. May He continue, for I want to know the depths of Him whose love is beyond anything my mind can conceive.

 “Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. Psalm 25:8-92. It is a humbling thing to walk through a devastating loss, as you are no longer whole as before but rather broken forever. The truth that we are all broken in countless ways in our personal lives and relationships is true for us all, but it isn’t something that we readily want to admit or acknowledge. Matter of fact, we spend considerable amounts of energy trying to cover, hide, and appear as anything else but broken. But when something fully out of your control and unexpected crashes in there is no avoiding the brokenness that is left behind, and humbleness begins its’ weaving together of all the broken pieces. 

But when I look at the existence of Jesus, humbleness was a vital part of his existence here, an existence that He chose to live and walk in. He, the glory of heaven, chose to humble Himself and join us in the existence of being fully human, with all its' aches and pains. He then bore the shame of our debt for sin to the point of a painful death, so that He could reveal the love of God who invites us into the calling of true life with Him. He knows humbleness like none of us ever will, and circumstances that naturally bring humbleness into our lives provide opportunity for understanding, through which the depths of his teaching and guidance are experienced in ways that are breath-taking and transformational. So the pride of "having it altogether," looking "perfect," and of "not needing help," is being slayed in my life, as I need the help, I need the encouragement, I can’t look perfect. I simply need more of Jesus to make it each day, and I am finding that the humbleness that comes from broken is a step into real freedom and reliance upon God.

 “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3   My children truly are a brilliant gift from God for my soul, blessing my existence in abundantly countless ways, growing me, sanctifying me, causing my heart to catch glimpses of how much God must love me due to the nature of how my heart burst with love for each one of them. As I have watched them over the last year deal with one of the hardest losses they will ever suffer in their lives this side of heaven, I have had to open my hands up and release them to the Lord to guide, heal, and lead them through their own personal paths of grief and life, for only He can actual redeem the pains and losses in this world. For He alone is the resurrection and the life, and I know that He is and will use this wounding to conform them more and more to the image of Jesus.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17  This verse has become so very true in my life as lived out by my sister, Jann, as the Lord brought us faithfully together through the gift of adoption to be the best of confidantes, and then my "seal team" of girl-friends and guys who faithfully have been “all in, all the time.” It is a rare thing to have siblings and friends who love at all times, but they have born out this verse as genuine, and given me the ability to cry, laugh, and question, be strong or weak, because they are watching out for and over me, always gently lifting my eyes to the truth of Jesus’ love.

They are my sisters and brothers now, as adversity and affliction form the strongest of familial bonds, and the way that my "seal team" has cared for, loved, and encouraged our family has been nothing short of breath-taking and inspiring.  I have learned much from old and new friends who have stepped into our lives to protect, provide, and carry this burden with us. I have been made a better sister, a better friend, a better child of God because of the way I have been loved and supported.  It has been humbling and healing to walk with these beloved people. I honestly look forward to the coming day in God’s new creation with them altogether never to be parted, but to live fully with our God and each other forever.

"But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. His family is my family.” Ruth 1:16  I have always known that I married into an amazing family. Being a “Bush,” a part of Tod’s family has been one of the greatest blessings and honors of my life, and God has done great amounts of healing in my own life through being apart of their family. But it was always "Tod's" side of the family, and "my" side of the family when referenced by us even though the love was deep and wide for them. Through the years as I have watched and learn from his parents, Tod’s brother and sister- in-law, his sisters and their husbands, Tod’s aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews, and cousins, and how their family dynamics work out in love, grace, mess, and patience, I have been immensely blessed.  After all, it is the origins of what helped create and craft the man that I fell in love with, but as they have been a part of my life for many years, throughout our dating and married life, they were always my “in-laws.”

But as we walk through this time of loss and grief, my love for them each has simply surpassed anything I could have imagined. We have wept together, loved, cared, encouraged each other to keep moving forward, and their abundant love has continued to carry me through so many days and moments that have been heavy and painful, and I now understand how Ruth must have felt and her desire to never have to be parted from her husband's family though he was no longer there connecting them together. So now the add-on of “in-law” has been erased forever, for now they are MY people.  No longer do I think of them as Tod's side of the family for Tod’s family is my family and never will the words “in-law” be uttered from my lips ever again. They all belong to me and I belong to them.

“My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42:5  No words can begin to describe the abundance of Himself that He has revealed within the midst of my grief. He has never and will never promise me a pain free existence, but rather He promises and has faithfully given the fullness of Himself in the midst of it. I am grateful that the Lord doesn’t give me the choice of having a pain-free existence, for I know that my flesh always desires the path of least resistance, but rather He promises me that in the midst of pain He will never leave or forsake me, but rather use it all for His glory and my good. He has been true to His word again and again. I have found that when my eyes are filled with tears, my vision becomes sensitive to light as tears naturally become reflecting pools creating a place where light brilliantly dances and reflects more brightly. So I will take the teary eyes, for I have seen Him more brightly now and He is gloriously brilliant.

Love your family and friends well, for you don’t know what the days will hold. Let go of childish and foolish behavior, life is too short to play in the mud. Dig into the truths of the King of the Universe for His word and ways are gloriously true, abundantly beyond anything we can imagine!