What started this all

My hope for this blog is to be authentic with what "life in Christ" looks like for me while walking through the most profound loss in my life and for my family.  I hope people who take the time to read will find encouragement and hope in the midst of their own story whether life is full of joy and laughter or pain and grief.

I offer up my Facebook posts chronologically as they occurred recently in December when my precious husband, Tod went home to be with Jesus so that you understand from where I am starting.  And I invite you into this strange space with me to share some moments together that will be a part of helping and healing my heart.  I hope you will leave encouraged as well as seeing a little more clearly with me the sacred and holy in everyday and the constant glimpses of God's abundant grace all around.   - Robyn

December 19, 2016 - First Facebook Post from the Hospital:

Hey family and friends - in great need of prayer right now for my precious husband! Tod has had a major stroke and we are in hospital - resulted from a tear in his carotid artery - major damage to language & thought and right side of body- please pray for healing! I know God has his plans - just need to know what step to take as we make decisions- also the next few days will tell us what direction- pray against brain swelling and no more bleeding to occur - it could cause him to die- can't believe I'm typing this to y'all but I know our God is able! Thanks for all the love and prayers already- please keep it going! Love you each!

December 20, 2016 - Day 2:

Well precious ones! We are overwhelmed with your love and prayers pouring out to our gracious Father on our behalf! Not the day I had planned but one where in the midst of tears - God had planned to faithfully give strength and hope to our family. Update: best news of the day: he said "Robyn"!!! - I am seeing slight improvement - he is moving his right leg better - still not moving right arm and speech is greatly affected - he is extremely frustrated by that as you can imagine, but is trying to communicate with me. Still disoriented but getting calmer. He is holding and squeeze my hand a lot and likes to touch my face so I know he is in there! So appreciate all your kind encouraging words and prayers - they are truly sustaining our family and helping smooth this road for us! Wish I could hug you all- lots of love!

A precious friend sent this yesterday, "I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" Isaiah 65:24 - we are experiencing nothing less than a profound sense of God's presence in every detail right now and gratitude at the love and care being poured out upon our family. Thank you doesn't begin to express our appreciation for each of you and the extreme nearness of God right now is palpable and undeniable.

Today at 2:00 AM started with some good news from his latest scan that showed the swelling has stablized! That means his brain hasn't increased in swelling, but has remained at the same place as yesterday! We are so thankful for no increase, but now would greatly like for the current swelling to dissipate so that there would be no more damage done. Tod is a strong fighter physically and spiritually, but he is also exhausted, so please pray for renewed strength and energy today to fill his body and for that brain of his to build new pathways as he continues in this battle for life and health.
A few positive happenings from yesterday: 1. I had a good cry to start the day off - felt much better afterward :) 2. Tod passed his swallow test so he is cleared to eat soft foods! this is a big deal!! 3. Best of all - Tod is getting a little sassy with me - so we are seeing his personality popping out as well!

All of our Bush family are just amazed at all that is happening around us from our Red Dot family employees who yesterday gathered at the beginning of their day to lift up Tod in prayer together at work - just WOW is all I can say to that- ya'll are so wonderful! Then such a precious group of PCE neighborhood moms gathered together to pray over Tod and our great need right now; and a precious group of 6th grade girls who sent the most precious bag of handwritten cards and notes to encourage Kati, and our family with their beautiful cards of care and love; Friends who have driven for hours just to visit bringing fresh hot cookies and boxes of snacks to our family as they come to check on Tod at the hospital; and then the countless numbers of powerful prayers, verses, and encouragements sent through texts, emails, and phone calls. There are no words right now to express our gratefulness and I can't wait to be able to share with Tod when he is cognizant of all the support and love being poured out over him at challenging time. On to this new day and all that it holds!

December 21, 2016 - Day 3:

"Now let the feeble all be strong, And make Jehovah's arm their song." Spurgeon -
So now I am awake after a couple of hours of sleep, thinking about the day we had - Tod is sawing logs over in his bed back from the latest cat scan and I just read the Spurgeon devo for today -hence above. I love it when God shows off his "Godness" by speaking right to me! Well he nailed this one. Y'all I'm tired. When you can sit in a chair and lay your head forward on a hospital bed railing and fall sound asleep I think that checks the "feeble" box, but our God is strong and not an ounce of tiredness is in Him!!

Today we started out feeling pretty "up" and then hit a pretty quick "down" but then as the day moved on ahead we had some really beautiful "ups"! So again my day started out with a couple of good cries (I'm hoping this is not a new trend for me) 1.Tod not opening his eyes and being in such a deep sleep unable to be roused was honestly scary. They dashed him off and discovered that the swelling seemed to be causing the heavy grogginess and Tod's inability to open his eyes. Then along came a "but"- a BIG but.  After Susan, Tod's precious mom, and I visited with a neurologist who did an evaluation of Tod and actually found that my husband has a fiery side to him when pushed - the doctor said, "his condition is better than he had originally thought," so we were given a great med and very strong saline solution that helped bring about some positive changes in his ability.

After a while Tod's eyes opened and he began to slowly respond! If I was a beer drinking woman I would have bought a round for the ICU- Cheers all around!!!! This was a major "up" for today!
The kids came up today and hung out in the room which was just amazing to have our family all together adjusting to where life is at right now. We are figuring this all out together- and I'm sure that will continue to evolve as we step into each day but it was a gift just to be all together and to have them messing with their dad again and hanging out with family in the waiting room.

One thing that Tod likes to do right now is to hold hands during which he will then commence into our family "handshake" which he and I created on our honeymoon 26 years ago while driving on the autobahn in Germany- so each of our kids were taught "the bush family handshake" and for whatever reason that is one of the first things Tod did with me when he couldn't talk with this stroke. But I think it is his way of connecting- a precious gift from God- so seeing them do the "official handshake"with dad has been one of the great "up" moments today!

To top it off with one more good one was the moment that Tod moved his right arm on his own for the first time since the stroke happened!!! This was a huge step in progress- and he moved it 3 times! I was so excited for him. He has no idea right now what a big deal it was but I took pictures to show him later!  Again-there are no words that begin to touch the amount thankfulness to all of you who are showing your love and care in countless ways and have prayed and continue to lift up our Tod and our whole bush family to our gracious and loving Father who is not feeble or challenged at all by a stroke but has given his strength and his hope throughout this whole time. We don't know what the days will bring ahead but today we know Jehovah's arm is strong!

December 22, 2016 - Day 4:

Well - today was not the day I had planned again. It is in the tension of deepest sadness and joy filled hope that I need to let you precious praying friends know that our precious Tod is beholding his Savior face to face. Can't believe this day is here but God has been faithfully present and real in the midst of the unreal circumstances. Tod would want everyone to know that he knew in whom his hope rested - and it was solely in Jesus Christ who loved and saved him. We are filled with hope because of that truth and we are grieving our loss of our one and only Tod! We love you all and the support you have shown over the last few days of this trial and ask for continued prayer in the coming days that we would faithfully turn our heart to God in the midst of our grief! Lots of love to you each

December 24, 2016 - Christmas Eve-  Tod's Gift of Life to Others:

Dear friends and family, just wanted to share the latest in our journey with y'all. Our precious Tod is giving the gift of life to those around the country. Tod signed up to be an organ donor in 2012 and this Christmas eve, that commitment became a reality. Currently, doctors are flying in and out sharing my precious Tod with people who would have had very little hope of life without the sacrifice of someone else's body. This Christmas at least 6 different people will be receiving one of his major organs, and his beautiful blue eyes will giving the gift of sight as well. Countless others will be impacted through the gift of tissue and bone as well. While the loss of him is so tangibly painful and fresh, it is yet another glimpse of God's grace to know that his heart will still be beating, his lungs still breathing, his eyes beholding the glory of God's creation through new bodies, who had no hope short of someone else's loss. It is the perfect capstone to a life well lived, one that was committed to Christ, who made the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf. And it all started in a manger so long ago. Wishing you and yours the Merriest of Christmases!

December 26, 2016 - Day after Christmas Service at The Village Church:

Good morning to you all. Yesterday was such a balm to our hearts, minds, and souls as we were able to worship our beautiful Savior on Christmas morning at our church as a family, a place that Tod loved so dearly. There is nothing else to which I can contribute this peace that is sustaining us other than Christ and Him alone. We sang the hymn "My Hope is Build on Nothing Less" in which God wrapped me up tight in His embrace as the words washed over me taking on meaning they had never had before.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

There is no sinking sand in Christ. Plenty of tears, heartbreak, questions, and deep profound sadness but no sinking sand. He truly is the rock on which to stand.
We will be celebrating the life of Christ in our precious Tod on this Friday, December 30 @11:00 at The Village Church - Plano, 5333 Independence Pkwy, Plano Texas 75023.
Again there are no words to express our deep thankfulness for all your faithfulness in prayer and encouragement toward and for our family. It is still very raw and fresh yet we are experiencing God's abundant comfort and care through those prayers. We deeply love you all.

December 27, 2016 - After Family Graveside:

"I will bless the Lord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me." Psalm 16:7-8
I can't help but share about today. These sacred words from Scripture were so true for me as we gathered as a family to consecrate Tod's earthly body to the ground. As I sat on the front row holding hands with our three precious children, I noticed that ladybugs were flying all around, landing here and there, and the sunshine was beaming through a bright blue sky where a forecast of rain had been predicted only a day ago. 

A beautiful spray of deep red roses, green cedar, and red berries adorned the top of his casket. It was in that moment that I realized this very arrangement of red roses was exactly like the one I had carried 26 years ago walking down the church isle to marry this man of mine at Christmas time. I couldn't help but feel God's presence there so heavily as he made that intimate connection for me. I had carried a bouquet of red roses when we made a covenant together before God, and here was another beautiful bouquet of red roses reminding me that God had made covenant with Tod through Jesus, and he had fulfilled it.

As the pastor walked us through some of the scriptures, he shared the story of the memorial stones from the Jordan river, and why the Israelites were told by God to set up stones of remembrance. "We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.”

Before the service each of us had been asked to write a descriptive memory or thought of Tod which the pastor now read aloud. It was so moving as we each one placed our stones upon his casket one at a time. Just like the Israelites so long ago, we too have our stones of remembrance, and they will stand as a memorial among our people now for this was when the Lord God kept His covenant with Tod. Blessed be His name forever.

 December 30, 2016 - After Tod's Celebration Service:

Today was truly a sacred day for me, a precious gift that I wasn't expecting... Along with my personal salvation, my marriage to Tod, the birth and adoption of my children - today was a truly holy day for me. Celebrating the Lord's saving work in the life of my husband, Tod, was some of the most precious worship I have ever had the honor to give to my Heavenly Father.

To all who led the service and spent your time and talent serving our family- you have been grafted into our story and lives forever and we love you dearly. To all who so graciously came to spend your personal time celebrating my husband and comforting our hearts with your stories of Tod, precious words of comfort, and tender hugs - you blessed our hearts immensely. seeing your love for Tod and your love for our family was overwhelming and truly humbling. You truly did get a glimpse into the heart of Tod today as we sang songs that he loved and heard the stories that would have made him laugh again- but most of all- His Savior was held up high for everyone to see and that would have been his heart's desire! Please continue to lift us up in prayer as we step day by day into new normal and a year of "firsts" where sadness can hit like waves as we truly start to walk in the realness of all this. Hearts abundantly full of love tonight - thank you-